My thoughts that are unsafe to vent anywhere else but here

I can't stand volatile mornings especially when I get blamed for them. You were in dick mode as soon as you woke up but I pretended not to notice and tried to make your morning go well so you weren't stressed for your interview. You didn't "toss" my shower chair. You threw it into the other room and it bounced off the coffee table. If you weren't in dick mode and mad you would have calmly put it in the computer room like usual. I am not an idiot mother fucker or a bitch, although I can be, but I wasn't this morning. And I was only an asshole when you threw the wet towel at me and looked at me like you could strangle me. It was just a fucking wet towel and I didn't put it there. It probably fell in there after I showered. And I just can't believe it is my fault you ganied weight. I am sorry that it has happened and yes I am not that active but I am more active now than I have ever been since becoming disabled. I don't want to play the disabled card because I hate it but I CAN'T be as active as you are ever. That is not my fault. You can walk and exercise without me. You have no idea how much hate was in your voice this morning when you bitched at me for your gaining weight. I was terrified of you and your loudness and your tantrums. You can go places without me and you do. You go see Andy whenever you want now and I don't give you hell. So what if I call you a couple times and I call again if you don't answer? I know you listen to music loud and don't always hear the first time I call. What is wrong with calling back? You can go anywhere you want at any time. I haven't tried to stop you in a long time. And the next time you do, I guarantee that I will NOT call at all. Not even once. Not even if you don't come home until the next day. I am sick of this shit and I am sick of getting blamed for all of the bad things in your life. My life isn't rainbows and butterflies either and I could blame you for adding worries like child support etc to my life, but I don't. Because I love you and your worries are mine too because I love you. I don't resent you for it. I wish typing this out made me feel better, but it doesn't because I am afraid of how you will react when you see it. I love you. Why can't we get along?